Today, I had to cross two people off my Prayer For Healing prayer list. Not because they were healed, but because they had passed away.
I have had a really rough couple weeks on the inside in my heart of hearts, and it just didn't seem like it was getting better. It isn't because I'm upset that God didn't heal them, or even that I'm discouraged or baffled. I'm just sad. I'm sad about a lot of things in this world.
I'm sad that evil wins a lot. I'm sad that holiness and righteousness in on the decline. I'm sad when I realize that I am just one small person who probably isn't going to be able to change the world. I know this may sound awfully negative, but the sadness I feel cannot even compare to what God must feel.
What must our Father in heaven feel? He hates sin, sickness, and disease, surely He is upset when the righteous pass on due to it. Surely He hates when wicked people mistreat the just. The boiling of His anger and sadness I cannot begin to try to comprehend. I use to think the president of the United States was a busy guy flooded with all the problems of the nations, think about what our Father in heaven is flooded with. and yet He continues to stay involved in my life.
He is so involved in the details of my life, it's not even fair how He cares for me. It's so underserved that He paid a price for me at all. Even today, I reflect on all the tiny details of my life He completely orchestrated. The miracle of it all...
Oh, His kindness. Oh, His Mercy.
"I Look into Your eyes of mercy... I remember that Your heart is for me..."
Jon Thurlow chorus
I just encourage you to tune into the OneThing Conference happening right now in Kansas City, you can watch for free here: http://www.ihop.org/onething/
-gina
I get overwhelmed sometimes. That the God of the universe shed His glory in heaven and came because He loved me. I've struggled for years to figure it out. I don't get it. I hope to have that heart connect before I leave this world. Who am I that He would think about me, that He would come and desire to give me His heart. I am so unworthy. I am so full of sin and shame. Yet He still loves. My head does not understand. My heart yearns to understand. I have to go deeper.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel. So many sick and dieing people. I believe God mourns and cries, this hurts Him but His perfectness lets it happen because He knows that there is going to be better stuff in store for us. It is hard because we cannot see the glory. Thank GOD for grace!
ReplyDeleteLifting your heart up to God for some comfort.
Blessings,
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it is pretty crazy to think that when pain is too great, i always look away - He never looks away. amazing. there is a reason He is God and i am not.
ReplyDeletemy recent post: my top 10 posts of 2011
When you buy a soda, it costs a dollar. When it's empty and you redeem it you get ten cents. When sin emptied us, we lose our value. Christ redeems us and we become priceless and are no longer for sale due to our value. God is the only one I know that can take an empty vessel and redeem it for more than it was worth originally.
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