When we fast, we are constantly reminded on how having this skin on keeps us a slave to the human world. Do I even see these things when I am not fasting?
It's day one, and I'm constantly reminded of my human frailty. My eyes, are hungering to be entertained. Normally, I don't even like to watch movies or T.V. shows, but when I am setting my eyes apart, my eyes begin to hunger... "feed me", they say.
I normally have a pretty healthy diet, of course except for the sweets I haven't been able to kick... but here I am, in such early stages of my fast, thinking about food, almost non-stop. Do I always think about food? I don't think this is something I normally struggle with. In fact, I have been guilty of forgetting to eat and getting in trouble with the Mr. for not eating my regular meals! But here I am, my brain is telling my mouth to be controlled by my stomach! My eyes, my ears, my stomach, crying out, "feed me"!
"You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections." - 2 Corinthians 6:12
Ouch! You mean this is the real me? It's hard to allow the thoughts, emotions, and desires to come out of you and stare them in the face and say, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!" Rather, we stuff our face, our eyes, with anything and everything to dumb us, to numb us, and to help us get our mind on something else. The problem isn't that we are selfish, constantly thinking about ourselves, it's that we are fully controlled by our flesh, thinking about anything and everything we can to get our minds off of dealing with ourselves! If we truly were concerned with ourselves, we would find ourselves like Paul, just a few verses earlier- in distress, sleepless, and unable to eat at all!
If this is heavy, I apologize, it is truth in my Spirit right now, and I pray that the Body of Christ can truly step out of herself, and step into the fullness of the body, worthy of Christ the head. If you are feeling this little message hit your heart, join with me and pray this prayer of surrender below.
Prayer:
Dearest Father of Glory, as I embark on this first fast of 2012, I ask for grace. Grace to chew on the Word, slowly. To enjoy every step of the process as I look inside my own heart and deal with my own weakness and depravity. As I mourn for my lack and distance from the glory I desire to walk in, may my tears of sorrow sow in the soil of prayer to bring about a great fruitful harvest of righteousness. Oh how I want to represent You, Jesus, and love You well. I lay down my own affections today, and declare that my affections are the same as my Father. My Lord, I partner with Your heart, Your will, Your desires. In the Sovereign name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
-gina
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