Journey into Love - PART Two

What Does Love Look Like?
That's the question, I've been pondering...
What does love look like?

I love this song. When I first heard it I recalled some of the journey I've been on over the last eighteen years, the thread of love that weaves the journey...


When I was nineteen years old, His love was the saving grace from my sin...
When I was twenty, His love was the gift of the Holy Spirit Fire...
When I was twenty one, His love was the hunger deep in my soul for more...
When I was twenty two, His love was the disillusionment that anything was possible...
When I was twenty three, His love was the grace to run in ministry and new marriage...
When I was twenty four, His love was the revival waters that set my feet a dancing...
When I was twenty five, His love was the joy of motherhood, inexpressible...
When I was twenty six, His love was the peace of putting all things into His hands...
When I was twenty seven, His love was the burning desire to see my family become whole...
When I was twenty eight, His love never left me, when even my own mind did...
When I was twenty nine, His love met me in the wilderness like John...
When I was thirty, He hugged me tight and let me rest...
When I was thirty one, His love gave me a new song to sing...
When I was thirty two, His love re-ignited my marriage and family...
When I was thirty three, His love united me with the bigger picture, the global bride...
When I was thirty four, His love brought me the baby that saved all our lives...
When I was thirty five, His love brought forth promises given in the wilderness to the promised land...
When I was thirty six, He still writes love on my pages...


... more ahead,
gina

Journey of Love - Part One

I've had this odd sort-of relationship throughout my life with the word. Love.

I knew someday I would begin to write about this, but hesitated because I never felt like I had full understanding on what it means. This post is going to be a bit painful, but I feel like I need to open this up for my own healing.

I'd like to share some amazing revelation on God's love, but I don't really have that either. What I have is a string of prophetic history that I somehow am suppose to be carrying this amazing understanding of the love of God, and walk in the fullness of it. So today, I'm gonna outline that, in faith that there will be a "part-two" to this topic talk.

I've always been a timid, scared, yet resilient person. As a young child, I would hide under my mother's dress, and never spoke to anyone til I was older, at least that's what I was told. I went to Catholic school K-3rd, and in Kindergarten I had a freak accident where I lost my middle finger. (yes, I still have four fingers only on my right hand). This made me more scared and reclusive. I was molested twice as a young child as well, which also set in the timidity and fear factor. I grew up feeling like I was mostly loved and approved by my family, because they had to love me after all, but I needed to be a super shining star to gain approval of others.

I wasn't the popular one in school, I was often teased, and spent most of my time crying in corners. It seemed like I had to work so hard for a C+ in every area of life. I wasn't as good as everyone else, so I had to work twice as hard, at least that's what it felt like.

I learned to be hard and take care of myself, after all, I was the only one I could count on, right? I resolved that love was for fairy tales and fantasies, which was fine with me, because I really enjoyed daydreaming. However, I when I became radically saved at age 19, I was bound up because I didn't know how to accept God's love for me. I felt like God was trying to reach me with His love for several years of attending youth groups and things, but it didn't click. He met me anyway, and has slowly been working on me ever since.

So this word, love, and I have this weird relationship. I'm suppose to tell people about God's love now, because I am a Christian, right, and that's what your suppose to do, but I'm not experiencing anything supernatural in that department. I mean I experienced healing, deliverance, signs and wonders, tongues, but I still didn't feel like a lovely person who was able to love. What I chose to do instead was avoid people that needed God's Love, because I certainly couldn't reach them, well not yet.

I was about twenty two years old, engaged to be married, and I was attending a ladies Bible Study, on the book The Excellent Wife. There was some sort of prize giveaway and I was given this book, The Way of Agape. God had my attention, He was trying to teach me about His love. I was pretty dull hearted, and still am, and needed clear messages, if you know what I mean.

A few months later, I was at our church office volunteering, and one of the pastors walks through the office with this name book. He passes me and stops. He say's, "Gina. Hmm, hey, your name means 'love'. Cool!" And then He keeps walking! I'm tearing up...

So thus the journey began, I feel like there is so much more, but I wanted to get a dialog going. Have you encountered the revelatory love of God? Please share your experience,

Blessings!

Gina

Martha Got a Bad Wrap!

All this talk about Mary Lately, I thought someone needed to point out some cool stuff about Martha, and yes, she was pretty cool!

First, lets consider this text... Luke 10:38-42

"Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

I just felt it interesting and necessary to point out that Martha's name was actually mentioned first, and Mary was referred to as her sister. Isn't that interesting? Perhaps, Martha and Jesus actually had a friendship going on before He even met Mary, just a thought.

Another interesting thing is that Martha "working" really isn't what she is being rebuked for. She is being rebuked for being troubled and worried.

I don't know about you, but for me, I have spent much time at Jesus feet, thinking I was like Mary, but I was actually troubled and worried while I was in prayer. Sitting and worshiping Jesus is a heart condition, not a physical movement position. There have been times I have been running around like a mad woman in ministry and yet my heart is at peace and full of adoration for the Lord. And then there are times when my heart posture is worried, frustrated, throwing in the towel, etc, and I collapse at the feet of the Lord and stay there for weeks to re-group. Can you relate?

Anyhow, I guess what I am asking you to consider in this post is the posture of adoration in your heart. Also, I would probably like us, Christians, to stop referring to being a "Mary" or a "Martha" as if there is Biblical Precedence to those who "sit" and those who "work" for God. I would submit to you that we have been duped into false theology of a "Mary" figure verses a "Martha" figure in the church at large.

The family of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus should be looked at as a whole, they were Jesus' favorite people (don't tell John the Beloved I said that!) You have a picture of Bridal Partnership= Intimacy+Serving+Supernatural. We need to operate in all three aspects. Our Intimacy is the well from which our "service" or "ministry" flows out of. We thrive in both areas when we are operating in the Resurrection Power.

So there you have it, please share with me your thoughts, did you feel the same way I did, with a negative view of Martha? Did this post shed light on a possibility that Martha's been getting a bad wrap? I'd love to hear from you!

- gina

*for more on this topic check out Pastor Steve Jow's Message "The Identity of A Martha"

My Heart, The Vineyard

" I am dark, but lovely,

O daughters of Jerusalem,

Like the tents of Kedar,

Like the curtains of Solomon.

Do not look upon me, because I am dark,

Because the sun has tanned me.

My mother’s sons were angry with me;

They made me the keeper of the vineyards,

But my own vineyard I have not kept."

When I first read this verse, I immediately knew what was being said by the Shulamite woman- "I am dark, yet lovely". So many times, I would come to prayer, feeling like no one sees me the way He sees me. In the eyes of the world, I am small, insignificant, I don't have a big well-know name or ministry, I have many physical flaws, one being a missing finger on my right hand, and I'm really not "great" at any one thing. I struggle just to make "C's" while others seem to easily get "A's" as they slide through life.

But when I am in the presence of the Lord, suddenly my opinion of me, which is what all those things really are, are not a factor any longer. I see myself as dark, but He see's me as lovely. That is why my appearance is of no concern in His presence.

Several years back, I went through a really tough few years. I began in ministry at the ripe age of twenty-two, had my first baby at twenty five, and broke down about twenty-eight. I was very ministry driven, doing for others and for God, this pleased my heart. It made me feel important, and needed, lovelier I guess.

Two years after my mental breakdown, I was completely inoperable in ministry, and found myself sitting in a prayer room in Roseville, CA. I began having my paradigm shift, where intimacy with God became my source of breath and life. After a year or two of primarily ministering to the Lord, I began to minister in areas of administration, etc.

"They made me the keeper of the vineyards,

But my own vineyard I have not kept."

In the past, I had gotten really good about "keeping everyone else's vineyards", but when the storms came my way, testing proved my own was not secure. I had to reestablish the priority of keeping my secret life in God strong before trying to minister outwardly. This has reinforced the view of how He see's me, beautiful, and lovely. He wants to spend time with me and be with me, I am enjoyable to Him, and there's no greater place I'd rather be.

How about you? Do you primarily keep others vineyards before your own? I know most moms would agree, it is hard to focus on your personal growth and development. Have you experienced a journey like this? I'd love you to share.

Many Blessings,
Gina

This post is linked up with My Freshly Brewed Life's Song of Solomon Series. Please go back and visit for more posts on The Song of Solomon.

His Love is Better Than Wine

Song of Solomon 1:2 is such an amazing passage, because it not only wraps up the whole book of the Song into this one thought, it actually can wrap up the Bible into this one verse!

I study the Song of Solomon every year, four years running, usually for 3-4 months at a time, and every year towards the close of my study, I close everything down, and go back to this verse.

"...For Your Love is better than wine"

In fact, I have a song I sing, and its on the player on this page actually, where I sing this part over and over, and oh how it refreshes me!

"And all of my days, I will remember, I will remember that His love, it is better...

Though other lovers come and try to tell me there's something more I need,

oh my soul, remember...

His love is better than wine, His love is better than life..."

Have you discovered a taste of this love? Have you tapped into that place where when His presence comes over you, you feel like, "YES! this is it! I never want to leave this place! I'm gonna camp out here forever!!! Ahhh!" That touch of His love is what I long to remember everyday when I don'f feel Him. When I'm tired, sick, hurting, and I say, "God!! Where are You?"

So again I sing it out, I speak and confess with my mouth until my heart believes, that YES, His love IS better than anything!

-gina

I am linking up with Barbie over at My Freshly Brewed Life for this post!

Strengthen Yourself in the Lord

Do you pray for yourself?

I recently added to my daily prayer time, extra time praying for me. I don't know why I never use to pray for myself, but a few years back I heard a message from Bill Johnson right before his book came out, Strengthen Yourself in the Lord, then we got the book of course, and he was talking about praying for yourself.

He used the example of when you are on an airplane and they show you the demonstration of how to use the air masks, you are always supposed to put on your mask first before helping others. I have myself used that example when it comes to young moms getting time for them selves so that they are strong for their little ones. Though I believed, I honestly was not practicing, and I have felt it. Man, have I felt it.

I'm going to be really candid, I have lacked in my prayer time recently, and it's not been good. Somedays, the only prayer time I have is spent praying for God's strength in my inner man. Ephesians 3:16-19 has become my prayer over myself... I read it like this:

"Father, grant me, according to the riches of Your glory, that I would be strengthened with might by Your Spirit in my inner man. That Christ would dwell in my heart through faith, and that I would be rooted and grounded in love."

Honestly, I need strength, I need help. I can't even pray without His help. Really, I can't! I am so desperate for His strength to rule in my life, I surrender daily to it.

We have a great little book in our bookstore, but you can get it at IHOP-KC too, called Prayers to Strengthen Your Inner Man. I use it every week, I read right from it, and it really helps springboard me. I highly encourage this resource, and I would love to hear what you do to strengthen yourself in your inner man! Please leave me some tips from your walk with God!

Blessings!

gina

How's Your Tank?

Every week I have to stop and look at my schedule all over again, you?

I wonder where the time goes. All the ambitions of Monday, what did I accomplish by Saturday?

Saturday is my day of and I'm suppose to rest, but instead what happens is I find myself bearing the guilt of the under-met goals. Some people would call me an over achiever just because I have five kids and still work full-time, keep a house, and homeschool. But to me, thats just the base line. I have personal life goals, and I'm already 36, if I keep moving... well, you know the story.

So I'm working on an album right now (in my spare time) and trying to go back and finish college (why didn't I do this before kids?) I have not had the desired time to work on my music or art in the last few months as I have been fighting to stay healthy (longer, and boring story). All this to say, that no matter how much a person can handle, whether you can barely just work and thats it, or you are a full time mom with a full time job, DIYer, homeschooler, or whatever, the question affects us all on Sunday evening. "How's my tank?"

In the age to come we will have jobs, hobbies, responsibilities, etc. But in this present, and evil age, only, we have the opportunity to acquire costly oil.

Like David, I don't want to give to the Lord what costs me nothing!

“No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” 1 Chronicles 21:24

What kind of sacrifice is it to fast TV or sugar, really? How far can I go? To what degree can I possibly give to God? I want my tank to be full of oil! I want my lamp to burn!

Maybe Im just being dramatic, but here it is the beginning of a new week, and the only ambition that really matters is, "what kind of intimate time with the Lord will I have this week?" I am finding that I need to re-focus my schedule, yet again, and make sure my accomplishment is found in the secret place time.

How's your tank?

-gina